DUBLIN BELLYBUSTERS

My girlfriend Michelle often gives out to me about never doing what I plan to do. She can't understand it when I change our dinner reservations 10 minutes before our booking or just decide I'm staying where I am for a bit longer for no better reason than that I quite like it and don't feel like leaving yet. I guess I like to think i am spontaneous but there is actually a deeper underlying truth about me at work here. I don't think we, as humans, have a final destination - be it spiritual, afterlife, etc. I think that when we die, well... that's it. I don't believe, to quote my mother, that 'things happen for a reason', I don't believe that we are essentially good or bad or that we get what we deserve. I don't even think there is any way to measure what a person (but not a poker-player) deserves. While my belief that there is no intelligent design behind it all makes me a rather cynical creature, I also think it liberates me with a tremendous sense of horizon.

I am loathed to feel fixed into an arrangement, to work a 9-5, to make long-term commitments or even have dogmatic/rigid opinions. Don't get me wrong - I am still loyal and I would like to think of myself as fundamentally reliable. I just don't want to feel trapped into anything. I want every moment to be a constant decision to want to still do what I am doing. I guess I've done everything I can to structure my life so that, where possible, I have that sort of freedom. Now, try to explain that to your girlfriend - that you don't like the idea of permanence and marriage but that you actually think that's a good thing because it means that you are always re-affirming your desire to be who you are, do what you're doing, be with who you are with. Tricky!

Anyway, I digress, but this all came to mind because today I decided to stay in London for two more days. Sitting in a cafe with my luggage a couple of hours ago, I realised I just didn't want to go to the airport. My flight was about 5 bucks inc. taxes so it's not like I was precious about it. So, I just booked another flight, my friend Dave kindly offered to put me up for another two nights and I rang a friend of mine who I know is coming here tomorrow night. We made plans so now I even have someone to hang out with. All in all, it's my natural inertia kicking in, making me reluctant to do anything until I'm motivated or ready.

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